Gathered among influential figures from the manosphere, alongside UFC athletes and cryptocurrency enthusiasts, Vice President JD Vance presented a “Monument to the Proud Incel” within the White House grounds, located in Washington, DC. The statue, which stands at five feet four inches—humorously described as “basically six feet” on its plaque—portrays a Caucasian male adorned in a snug T-shirt and a beanie, grasping a gaming controller.
The sculpture merges Neoclassical features of idealized masculinity, such as broad shoulders and defined jawlines, with contemporary traits like a noticeable beer belly and a bicep tattoo of barbed wire. During the ribbon-cutting ceremony, Vance remarked, “Today, we honor the overlooked community of disaffected young men in our country,” adding, “This monument puts the ‘bro’ back in ‘bronze.'” Drawing a parallel to President Kennedy’s 1963 speech, Vance declared, “Ich bin ein Incel.”
Backed by brands Zyn and Manscaped, the statue’s design was conceived by ChatGPT and produced using a combination of bronze, testosterone supplements, and protein powder. Esteemed incel community figures, including Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, and Jake Paul, attended the event. Peterson expressed his frustrations, tearfully stating, “It’s very hard for men out there. Women are just too picky these days. I’m darn sick of it.”
Insiders informed Hyperallergic that a marble pedestal, three feet in height, was ordered to enhance the incel figure’s stature. To prevent overshadowing the new sculpture, it was strategically placed away from any female-honoring monuments. Additionally, the administration announced plans to reallocate funds from the National Endowments of the Arts and Humanities to initiatives aimed at young men’s personal development.
Post-ceremony, attendees enjoyed cold-plunge tubs prepared on the White House lawn, with photography restricted to prevent any unflattering captures. Witnesses claimed Vance was spotted in a peculiar moment of intimacy with a couch.
