Instagram Comment Moderator for Collector and Museum Trustee is on the lookout for a dedicated individual to manage comments by removing any mentions of nepo babies, connections to Jeffrey Epstein, and Safariland tear gas. This position requires a commitment of 20 hours per week and demands a flexible moral compass. Compensation is set at minimum wage.
Renowned Artist seeks a personal assistant. The role involves brainstorming new concepts with the Artist, keeping the Artist in good favor with their spouse, sending annual birthday greetings to the Artist’s children, and caretaking for an elderly corgi. Additional duties may be assigned as per the Artist’s discretion. The schedule is highly adaptable, requiring around-the-clock availability. Ideal candidates should be under 25, attractive, and somewhat naive. A stipend of $500 per month is offered as compensation.
A prestigious art institution is in search of a Sentence Complicator to enhance the complexity of press releases and other materials. Responsibilities include adding syntactic depth without altering meaning, replacing simple language with theoretical jargon, and ensuring all communications are suitably opaque. An advanced degree in a relevant field is preferred. The pay rate is $0.01 per word.
An Artist Residency invites participants to immerse themselves in a values-driven communal setting. Duties include daily care of animals, particularly pigs, and engaging in meditative latrine-cleaning sessions. Applicants should appreciate manual labor and require minimal personal space. The residency is fee-based, with participants expected to pay $5,000.
A notable artist, in conjunction with a $100,000 Hugo Boss award, seeks extras for a performance art piece exploring labor and capitalism with a religious undertone. Participants will endure three days and nights of sun exposure. The position offers the benefit of exposure as compensation.
